FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
