You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
