I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
