one two three fourrrrnication!
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
