remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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