Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
