Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
