it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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