you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
