I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
