My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
