I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
