it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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