The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
