I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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