Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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