I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I don't deserve a penis
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
