i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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