Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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