I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
