whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
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The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize