Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she pinky promised me she was 18
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
