Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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