It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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