Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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