I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
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the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
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It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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