oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
