I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i think my tv is drunk
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
