we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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