I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
