i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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