He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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