you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
