Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
