Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
