I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize