ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
