Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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