I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize