By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize