I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.â€
Randomize
