Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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