I could have mohawked her pubes.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
