Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
