don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
