But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
