Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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