ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
