3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
