I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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