my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
COCAINE IS GR8
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