I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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