So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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