I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
