I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
