Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.