just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.