I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
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I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
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I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.