Your mouth is God's brothel.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
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i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
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Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?