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I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
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