she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The Olympian is in my bed
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.