Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
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Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??