And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
