I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
