I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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