i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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