I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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