who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
